just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
