Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
