YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
