sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
