too bad you live with your parents still
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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