i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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