All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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