What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
