You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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