Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
