you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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