HIV tests are more positive than that guy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
