I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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