I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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