i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
