i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm like, not good at living.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
