Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
