what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
