The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
