I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
