Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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