Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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