The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize