batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
