I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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