Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
