"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
