How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
