i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
