I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
