My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
