He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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