Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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