i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
