twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
