Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize