Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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