Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
