Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize