Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think i have two assholes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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