I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
