He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
