Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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