and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
