but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
