Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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