singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Randomize
