Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
