Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't make out with my wife yet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
