im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
