How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
