Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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