just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
