my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
