I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
