just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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