im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
