this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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