Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
