I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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