you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
