I CAN MOONWALK!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
