what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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