actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't shave. On purpose
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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