please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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