he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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