the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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