I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A+ Viking dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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