there's paper in my vomit.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
