I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
