There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
