I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize