Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
