bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
